I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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