please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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