Midget sex pt 2 tonight
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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