Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
