This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
