My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
