he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
