We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
