I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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