I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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