apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
