Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
