Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
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we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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