im about as happy as oj after his trial
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
