You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize