my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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