i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
