I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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