WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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