I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
