just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
