yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
