My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
