So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
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Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize