I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
