he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
