Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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