I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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