I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
