his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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