fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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