i already hear my dad disowning me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
