apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
