A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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