I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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