I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Terrible idea I love it
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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