The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
