why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You're like the curious george of whores
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
