She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
