I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
