Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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