i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
