He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
