It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
