ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Holy sore nipples Batman
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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