I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
