How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
