I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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