His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
