I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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