who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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