It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
