and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
