1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
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About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well you can't waste a boner
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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