I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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