So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
