Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
