am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
