Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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