Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
