Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
