Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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