Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
